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Thoughts on Same-Sex Marriage

I didn’t immediately jump on the same-sex marriage bandwagon. As a straight person, I had thought the term “life partner” much sweeter than “spouse.” In fact, I saw the same-sex relationship itself, one without legal constraints, to represent a more intentional and current choice to be together. Having gone through more than one marriage and messy divorce, I wasn’t quite sure why anyone would want to go there anyway. The institution of marriage had given me more headache than benefit, and I’d left each one saddled with my ex’s debt; barely noticing any tax or insurance reward or break.

Like most things “gay,” I’d given the right to marry little additional thought. I would guess I was like most people unaffected personally by the issues that profoundly affect the “gay community.” Little thought and even less investment was all the wisdom I had about such issues and would have been all I had to guide me had they been found on a ballot. To have such basic rights, human rights be left to such a thoughtless majority as I was a part of explains so much.

Nothing short of marriage was enough however, for the way we felt for each other. Our commitment was complete and unwavering. This amazing love was what marriage was for.

Lee and I had a private ceremony officiated by an ordained minister. The minister and his husband of eighteen years, another couple and my younger daughter were the only ones there. It took place in an outdoor sanctuary at the base of a mountain, on a footbridge over a small stream. We exchanged identical wedding bands and said our own vows. It was the most beautiful wedding I’ve even been to. Our anniversary is 9-11. It’s nice to have something wonderful to focus on such a day as that.

Our ceremony was not enough though. It is not legally recognized in Georgia. We had to spend several hundred dollars and go before a judge to have my name changed. We have a dozen copies of legal medical release forms should one us become ill again. We had to have those forms to begin with so that Lee could be by my side in the hospital. He had to have more documents in order to be given updates when I was having heart surgery. We have to fax release forms to speak on each others behalf. We had to change car insurance companies from the one I had used for almost twenty years, as they would not allow us to be on the same policy, much less receive the discount given to married couples having multiple cars. These are not simply inconveniences.

I would marry Lee today and every day, if only I could.


August 8, 2010 - Posted by | The Gay Me | , , , ,

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